Monday, 8 April 2013

The stories behind 'Better' and 'Break'


Break is a strange one. partly because it's the first time I've written a song where it relied heavily on the influence of others. playing around with the core elements of the song with Mattias Eken (on Cajon) and Mariam Moghaddassi (on bass) meant that we could do things I could never really do writing solo. specifically the bridge, without the bass tying it together and the cajon build up to the chorus, the song wouldn't work. I honestly dread ever wanting to play it solo live...

the song itself is an extremely large metaphor. It looks at addiction, specifically and how it controls your life. it seems like the most beautiful thing in the world to you, as well as the most destructive element. it's something you can't live without, but living with it is hell. I purposely personified it, as my biggest experiences of addiction have been to people, however the addiction I've suffered as of late is far from human. it's easier to think about it in people terms though. Sex is such a large part of humanity, and our reasons to survive and move forward, it just made sense to me. Plus I have a love of the dramatic and bitter, this kind of song lyrically are usually my favourite to write. making people uncomfortable and writing raw pure emotion really is when I'm in my element. clearly there's something wrong with me.

Let me make a note - Break isn't about a specific person. so no paranoia, friends.


Better kind of started this all. after so long of damning everything I'd ever written, I decided to just ignore my inner critic and write something simple. and that's what better is, it's simple, kinda predictable and just an all around basic four chord pop song, (although a sad one. I can't escape my instincts with song writing).

So it makes sense that the entire song is about my internal struggle to fight my anxiety condition. As much as I know I have a problem, that probably can't ever really be 'cured', but can be 'managed' by better health, being careful, little calming tricks and possibly drugs, it still kills me that I can't just will myself to be better. and I've tried, very hard. I've forced myself into situations in the hope that some forgotten survival instinct will kick in and save the day, and it never really does. regardless of facts and the above-average knowledge I have about mental health, I still can't fight the feeling that I could be so much better (quoting the lyrics now!). This song is the reason I wanted to do this project, and it's the reason I haven't given up. it's me, plain and simple, naked to the world, expecting ridicule. and that's pretty much how I need to move forward musically if I ever intend to be taken seriously.

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